You Are Not Angry, You Are Just Acting

Anger is a debatable psychological problem now a day. Every second person got angry on small things. People take immediate action. Actually they don’t know why they are doing so, is s/he really angry or just acting… wait wait… let me tell you. Anger is a mindset and this mindset is being developed. You will get angry on the things on which you made angry mindset.

      For example if you often say that I got angry on small things, or got angry on particular things. So when next time you face that situation or the particular thing happened then your mind will give a subconscious signal to your body to act.

    But there are some key emotional drivers of different peoples on which they react! Yeah that’s what I am saying. Take another example; most of the people react on abusing language. But I have met some people, who smile on abusing language. Same thing but reactions are different! Why? Because of their mindset, Most of the people have set their mind to react on abusing language. But when someone used abusing language to Socrates then he was smiling. Someone asked Socrates that did you not get angry on such language? He used abusive language for your mother! Socrates said that I am laughing at that person because he is telling lie, I know my mother she is not that kind of person what he said about her! This is mindset! Where in our society, people kill each other for using abusive language for his family, on the other hand, Socrates laughs at that person.

     So actually when you are angry, most of the time you are just acting, but interesting fact is that you also don’t know that you are acting because you are acting subconsciously.

     Here we come to know that anger is an emotion which may be constructive or destructive. We also come to know that anger is just a state of mind if you react negatively to the situation then you will be angry and vice versa.

Here your mind how works!

     When you see the particular thing happened (let say your friend is again late as usual) then you will not get angry consciously, but if you have not developed positive mindset then your subconscious mind will release signal to your emotions to react. (Because your friend is always late and he don’t care that someone is waiting for him) and you will get angry. So here your anger depends, most of the times, on the mindset you have for different things and situations.

I am not saying at all that you never get angry naturally, of course you do. Here I am stating that most of the time we are not actually angry, we just act.

Now coming to the solution of the problem

    Every emotion particularly anger takes 10 second to reach its peak and with each second your anger is also increasing, and on the 10^th second, your anger in on peak. During this 10 seconds period, your decision power is zero.  When anger reached to its peak it began to decrement.

      So it’s mean that you have to wait for near about 10 seconds. But often a person remains angry for hours! Yeah you are right, he will remain angry for days, for months even for years. Look, our emotions are just like fire, if you keep throwing woods in the fire, it will be flaring up. Most of us keep throwing woods in the fire of our emotions that’s why that emotion, which have to be normal in 10 seconds, now it is flaring for years. If we don't handle it in two to three days, then that emotion becomes our long mood and thus it became our personality.

      Have you ever thought why so many of us have permanent wonder, laughter, hate, fear, sadness or anger on our faces? The reason is simple! The emotion knocked on their faces for some minutes but they didn’t let it go and thus that emotion became their personality.

    Islam has told us tips about controlling anger if you got angry then sit down if you are standing or drink water. Changing your position will take time, that's how your anger level will distracted and you will become normal.

    You said that anger is just our mindset, so can we change this mindset? Yeah, you can change if you are willing to change. You have to practice it in your head. You have to control your anger in your mind first, because it is the first place where it starts. You have to change your reactions in your mind. How we can change our reactions in mind?

     Well, this is somehow difficult but not impossible. You have to imagine yourself, that someone is doing such thing on which you get angry! Now in your imagination you are getting angry but wait…! That’s the time you can change your reaction or mindset. In your imagination, instead of getting angry, you have to laugh on that situation or on that person.

    For example, think about your friend, who promised to meet you on 10 am. Now it’s 10:30 am but still he is not here, now you are getting angry…. Now it is the time to change your mindset, start smiling on him. Of course you are not in smiling mood, but that’s how you can change your mindset “He is an idiot! But maybe he faced some problem! May ALLAH protect him!” say such dialogues to yourself. What will happen, when you start this practice in your mind, Then after sometime you will also react differently on real situations.

   The more you practice it, the more your reactions will be changed and you will feel normal for the things on which you used to get angry.

   Remember, that your anger will not much hurt someone else than you. So stop hurting yourself as soon as you can.